The wrong world

At precisely eight fifteen tonight

the world shall start to go wrong,

and all the dreams that we might have shared,

shall be stained by each sad song.

But you could hide in my secret poem,

skip across the words that rhyme,

find in you another you,

who'll finally get it right this time.

The last walk that we took

the day it was raining upside down,

the sky might still have been up above

but the clouds they were on the ground.

Then the day that i stood

atop the city's highest rise,

but in vain i tried and tried and tried,

on tiptoes to touch the skies.

For there was a moon shaped hole in the night,

but the moon shone through from a puddle;

i touched the edge, sent ripples across,

and the moonlight flickered ever so subtle.

This is a world where things are wrong

or right if we call it so;

for its you and i and in our heads

who else will ever know?

shrapnel

and i can see how
the shrapnel of our emotions
changes the world around us.

and bits get damaged
as reality caves in at times
to the delusions we choose.

we filter out the
synesthetic sounds of dreams
and are left with mere b/w.

we become robots
to music that is not music
which has kept us spellbound.

the colours within
isolated from the ones without
live on in enforced loneliness.

the voices fadeaway
and the lyrics get lost in a haze
and you're suddenly so far away...


n.b. i'm not sad. i'm not depressed....as such. dunno why i wrote this all of a sudden. maybe because its raining outside...and there was always someone who was like the rain in my life...

James Blunt on Topgear

James Blunt as the guest in Topgear. 2nd December 07. Absolutely hilarious.

kites and thunderstorms

we can see familiar faces
through the smile shaped holes in our dreams,
flitting in and out of sleep,
surrounded by whispered voices and moonbeams.

the skies indulge us in our little flights of fancy
like kites against cotton candy clouds;
soaring high above the din of chemical emotions,
singing its own songs bereft of doubt.

stranger faces in the neon glow
tread pavements of a million brilliant hues
as songs leak onto the pavement
from haunts still churning out 12-bar blues.

indifferent stories pass each other by on the streets,
exchange pleasantries or avoid each other,
each being a kaleidoscope of infinite possibilities;
bur rarely does anyone seem to bother.

silent waters lap softly by the feet
of friends together on a chilly winter evening,
watching the city's bridges shine,
while softly of forgotten carnivals they sing.

the city stands quietly by a corner, silently watching
its people colour their canvases.
each dab changes the city and us; yet never do we notice;
we just paint away our days.....


n.b. a lot of things went into these few lines. sankar's chowringhee, old bengali films, satyajit ray, anjan dutta, and some very personal experiences. we may love our city; some of us may even hate it. but it's impossible to remain indifferent to it, isn't it?

runaway world

do you remember the last time
that you dreamt a dream which was just a dream
and not a goal you had to accomplish?
when feelings could be spoken aloud
without having them dissected and looked into
for hidden meanings? when your biggest worry in life
was the homework you forgot to do?
there's a world lost inside us, hidden away from
prying eyes. ours included. we make ourselves forget
so that we may become adults, say the proper things
and learn to nod our heads knowingly on cue.
while we keep forgetting to smile with our eyes.
we surround ourselves with emotional tripwires,
yet forget to laugh just because it feels right to;
try to lead our lives like drawn out guitar solos,
technically perfect yet lacking, and forget that
three chords are enough to write a beautiful song.
and we replace letters with texts, smiles with smileys,
walking together with hanging out...

need our lives always strive to be a page turner?
books with a comfortable pace are nice too, i daresay.
like our favourite fairytale. or a song with a lilt.
or like the accidental tunes that we whistle.
its easy to walk on by as life keeps happening,
next time you're in a hurry, try slowing down
for a change...and in the fleeting moments of dusk,
maybe, just maybe, you'll come to realise
that life can be so much more than a mad rush
towards the finish line....
it could be a half smile, or a lingering glance.
or raindrops against your skin...

Back to Pune [Day 7 - Pune/Mumbai]

~12th Mar~
Didn't get to sleep much at night. was up at 630 with a headache and residual sleep. Nevertheless, considering the headaches i am getting used to, this was nothing. the downloads i had put on last night were well underway, and pranjal was hgetting ready for office. i went out and got a cuppa from Shubham. it was overcast and slightly chiily too; more like august than march. headed into college and roamed about for the better part of the next hour in the place which still has three years worth of memories safely tucked away in corners. got back to my room around 730 and lazed around for the next couple of hours. dumped and arranged stuff on my HDD, watched naruto and avatar, burnt deepti's DVD, made a couple of calls. Spoke to sheetal. she'd just gotten off a night shift and sounded adorably sleepy. seems her mom was in town, and she wouldn't be free in the evening. pity, since i WAS rather looking forward to seeing her again. oh well, i suppose i'l catch up later. prateek came by around 11. we chatted and lazed around in general. the naruto konoha gakuen den was a hit with him as well, as it had been with kapil and shanky the previous evening. deepti came down to fc road just after noon. prateek came down with me to meet her. she was waiting in the car, right by college. she had to take a looong detour to get a parking space which was barely 100m away from where her car originally was. heh. while taking my evening stroll yesterday i had chanced across an ice cream/kulfi parlour right next to where CCB used to be. i took deeps and prateek there. the place was nice and comfy and had an ambiance similar to CCB. prateek, whose normal state of being was reserved, seemed to have no such issues with deepti. her disarming ways had brought out the funny and talkative side of my best friend. the three of us talked and talked and talked. on bleach, avatar, our respective fields of study...and, of course, the shit i had gotten myself into. people still seemed to disbelieve me over it, and though both of them knew i'd never lie to them, deeps said she still half expected to start laughing any moment and tell her its all a big joke. well, i suppose that during the course of the ensuing conversation, she got used to it being part of reality. we were at orchid fresh for over an hour...me and two of my bestest friends, chatting away over chocolate...what more can a person want from life? time just flew by. finally, reluctantly, we had to break up. prateek took an auto back to college. deepti left after making me promise that i won't fuck up any more. it was 2 by then, and i headed back to the room to finish packing. subhro and kundu returned shortly before 3, and kundu said he'll be dropping me off to the station. it started dripping as we left, and started pouring within moments of me entering the station. the weather kind of reflected how i felt inside, i guess....
slept during most of the journey. got off at thane and took a local heading towards bhupen's place. he was supposed to be out till late. anyway, i was insanely tired and was asleep by 9. woke up at 11 for dinner. bhupen returned shortly afterward. apparently, he had downed 16 cans of fosters, a tequila and a whiskey. he looked rather composed, given all that. he even asked me, 'am i making sense?'; and was very happy when i told him he was. he was. he WAS talking a bit more than usual and was slightly disoriented, but otherwise OK. we discussed my results (his reactions and views on the matter were the most interesting by far, but i suppose alcohol had a part to play in that). we talked music as he played songs off his ipod, his crappy job, the arse of a boss that he has, life, books, and his upcoming holiday. both of us had slept off by 1230.

didn't sleep very well. was up at 430 and out by 5. sitting at dadar station and writing this, waiting for my train to arrive. these ten days have been like a slender bend, one that you rarely notice initially, but further down the line, you tend to look back and realise how much this bend has influenced where you've ended up and where you're headed. i've been screwing up royally for almost 2 years now. the person writing these lines is not the person who left pune in 08, unfortunately. though i did get ot see flashes of him over the last few days. he walked on marine drive, went for lunch the following morning, walked the entire length of fc road, played guitar all night, hung around at aundh, played cs after ages, had ice cream.....the glimpses were enough to make me realise where i'd been going wrong all this while. i refuse to fuck up any more. and heaven help whoever stands in my way.

i just realised that pune had managed to work its charms on me. so, surprisingly, has mumbai. never expected this to happen. maybe its got something to do with the fact that kol has become more of four empty walls now, its colour gone. my past in this city will always remain my haven, my wonderwall, but in present the city has nothing but shattered memories for me. till i can lay these ghosts to rest, i need to get out. and mumbai/pune happens to be filled with some of my favourite people now. kol will always remain home, but pune has given me so much without making any fuss over it, without asking for anything in return. this is something i've come to realise only in the last few days. i'm even prepared to give mumbai a chance...for if sheetal and archan da say there's something to this city, there must be...
i dunno when i'l be back. dunno how many people would wait till i do. but i DO intend to return....and maybe, just maybe, i will be bit closer to calling it home as well...

Back to Pune [Day 6 - Pune]

slept for maybe 5 hours at night. was up and about by 930. spent the whole morning in the usual routine of this place. ate, lazed around, read poirot and burned dvds for manyu and deepti. went out in between and returned nikhil's guitar. deepti and devi came by after lunch. i've never had a chance to interact with devi before. it was a fun one hour. i was surprised to find out that devi watched bleach. both sisters were in their element, and time just flew by and suddenly it was 330 and they had to leave. i left soon after. got off the bus a couple of stops earlier and walked the lingth of FC road and JM road, just for the heck of it...it felt nostalgic passing by the familiar shops....
kapil came later in the evening, and then shanky and amit.....we watched naruto (YESSS!!) and did timepass in general. after shanky left (he had all night classes at frameboxx) amit and i decided to go aundh side. on the way we decided to watch a movie at night and stopped by e-square, but nothing was available. kapil trusted me with another stint on his scooty, and we reached his home way past 9....stayed there quite a while, copying stuff...i managed to land blackadder and fringe. blackadder is hugh laurie AND rowan atkinson. saw a bit of it later. its absolutely hilarious. we left his place after 1030 and headed to daniel's....poor guy has been busy with an obscene amount of workload, but he came down and we chatted outside his home for for almost half an hour. the topics mainly veered around anime and a couple of movies. bleach and kenichi were hot favourites. it was past 11 when we started from there. kapil went back home and amit dropped me off to my room. kundu got me dinner (everything was long closed by then). chatted with subhro and kundu awhile. kundu got a bit senti...they left after 1230...was feeling dead by then. throat was in pretty bad shape since i was out that long...slept off almost immediately.