beyond.

i lost a friend yesterday. he got in a bike accident near kothrud on friday...rammed into the divider while trying to avoid a car which had taken a right where there was no right. this is the 2nd such incident to happen in 2 years. last time i was there in pune, battling the worst of my demons....so it passed in a haze of stupor...kinda. this time i was in kol, at home, mostly jobless, so the news, when it finally came yesterday evening, hit me rather hard. since then i've been having the weird depressing thoughts that are so me.
the worst bit came when i was returning home yesterday by the metro. it was quarter to ten, and i was there on the platform with my back against those pillars, facing the tracks...and as the light from the train fell onto the tracks in front of me, i got this very odd thought....i was literally 3 steps away from death. that was the distance between me and the wheels...and for one (later scary) moment, i wondered about the possibilities of walking those three steps....but sense prevailed, thankfully. then when i was on the train, this song started playing on my mp3 player (which was on shuffle, for a change) - switchfoot's dare you to move...its a song which has meant so many things to me so many times...and this time too...it just blew my top...i kept on hearing the song again and again right till when the train entered garia....and the song which came on next was even more prophetic under the circumstances....good charlotte's the young and the hopeless...these are the situations which make me look up with a raised eyebrow, say 'riiiight'...and wonder whether there's someone up there smirking at me right now....heh.
i'l miss nikhil...terribly...another strand tying me to pune snapped...but its made me realise what's important once more...for a tiny moment of extreme clarity, i knew what really matters...its lost again now, but somewhere deep down inside, it still echoes...i just have to look hard enough...